Cheerful

What is this feeling. You think about how life would be for other people if you weren't around anymore. But you know you can never go there because you know it will kill your parents. The responsibility is too great, you can never afford to just leave. Perhaps I'm the one that needs to let go? What is this feeling.

There's just so much. 

What if I cried a broken heart?

What if I cried of the weight from her?

What if I cried of the weight from him?

What if I cried because I just don't know?

A hand on the shoulder, the weight of all the love in the world. 

At the end of the day, it's just me anyways.  

Blessed & Lucky

I can't believe it. I'm a president of a club in uni. Not just any uni, UQ. Well to me it's just UQ but to other people it's UQ! Never would I have imagine myself to be so active in a society. I always thought that the day I moved to Brisbane, it was the day my extra curriculum activities ended.

Non-member to VP Marketing, one year on, President (feels weird saying it). Wow. I do the darnest things haha. Dad was the greatest Toastmaster president and mom was the woman behind him, no pressure Kimberley. I know my parents are very proud of me, especially mom. So nervous yet still didn't want to message me because she couldn't bear to hear the results. And dad is just happy because I'm always Francis Tham junior, like father like daughter.

So yea,

2016 ACYA Execs

Aaron & Paulina

P.S. Happy one month baby! so lucky to have you. Love you so so much xoxo

Because I met you, and everything fell into place :) 

#thanksforwaiting

Kpop Star Season 2 Audition

I flew all the way to Sydney for the weekend just to audition for SBS Kpop Star Season 2. And I didn't make it.

I have to say I was shocked, I really thought I had it this time. First time in HK, ya I wasn't impressive; second time round in GZ my heart accelerated because of my sickness and this time I thought I would have everything under control. I actually am very confused why I didn't get in. I watched all the past auditionees experience clips on youtube and they showed the dance that they did. It wasn't even impressive and they managed to get into second round! Don't say they had that charisma, individuality, coz they did not.

The only thing I could think of as for the reasons that I couldn't get in was because 1) I went to early. My god I was number 9! I obviously didn't learn from my lesson in GZ. 2) There was a little girl a few numbers before I and she passed so obviously they couldn't pass that many people within such short period of time. I mean when I was singing Rolling In The Deep, one of the judges was really into it, she was nodding her head to the beat. Then they asked me to dance, which I did. They let me finish the off choreography for god's sake! Usually, they would ask you to stop if they had no interest in you but they made me do the whole dance. When I was finished and catching my breath, the translator said "sorry you didn't make it". I think my world stopped for a second while the words sunk in. I had to put on this stupid smiley face and walk out of the room with a camera up in my face. I was really down the whole afternoon, and my walk to Coogee Beach did not help AT ALL.

Anyways, maybe this is God's sign telling me that the Korean industry is not for me, or rather the entertainment industry in general. But I really do not see myself in the future doing anything else other than this. And missing my mom does not help. I've never realize how much I missed my mom and always took her for granted until this trip. Wondering why she didn't call every hour like she'll use to when I'm in Brisbane. What if I really did get accepted and become a trainee in Korea. I'll only get to communicate with her once every three days. Very cruel I'd say. That's one of the obstacles that I'm facing in chasing my dreams. I'm the only child and I'm so close with my parents. I'm their everything, their world and they love me so much. I feel so guilty that I have this dream. I feel like I'm betraying them and won't be able to repay them. I'll miss them so much and they'll miss me to death.

Another chance gone....why do I keep making the wrong decisions? I'm flying back tomorrow and I have to go to the three hour economics lecture right after I land. Oh the joy. I seriously don't feel like studying now, perhaps a gap year is suitable for me. I know I won't do well in my studies because I'm not putting any effort in it. It's just not my focus now. It's not what I want to do now. For example, I read this article about 14 years old going on reality shows (The Voice, X Factor); are they considered too young? Some argued that not at all. It's just like olympic swimmers, since they were 10, they'd wake up at 5am in the morning, go to training and miss the first period of school. Their aim is to compete in the Olympics, and because of that they must train since young in order to be considered for the Olympics. Is it worth it? Absolutely, definitely, when they swim in the Olympic games.

Moral of the story? I don't know....

ok bye.

TVB Singing Finals

I came fourth! It was held in Logan Entertainment Centre, started at 6:30pm. Here's the rundown.

Individual rehearsals in the morning then opening number in the afternoon. Makeup and hair started at 4pm. Makeup was by Amy. She's experience but she only sponsored hair. As for the makeup. My god..I was really shocked when I saw one of the girls makeup. I had to ask her twice if she was done with her makeup. It wasn't even stage makeup! More like a everyday look. Really jaw-dropping. Luckily Amy helped to touch up. Show was suppose to start at 6:30pm but at 6pm half the girls and the guys still had not had their makeup done. Seriously?!

Opening number: Xin Zhe De Ai
My panty hose was dropping! No kidding! So I wasn't that high during this number I was like keeping my legs crossed the whole time LOL

1st Song: What Have You Done by G.E.M.
So happy with my performance especially after I watched the recording.I was contestant no.4 btw. SYY came running backstage and said that my voice was warmed up and everything was just perfect ^^ Then suddenly her face was blue, and I thought I was about to faint. I was like why's your face blue, and she hugged me tightly and both of us were really scared. Turns out that we were standing under a blue light. But after that, I realized that that wasn't the matter. Other people stood below the blue light too and their face didn't turn blue. What happened to me??

2nd Song: Wasn't really sure if I was gonna be Top 5 and be able to skip second round. The first announced Fiona and she was no. 7. So I thought they were announcing it according to number sequence so I was like awww I didn't make it into Top 5 but never mind! Then they were like Number 4 Kimberley. I was seriously surprised! Really did not expect them to go in random order. 

3rd Song: Xiao Sa Zhou Yi Hui (PK Round)
I was very satisfied with my song choice for this Golden Melody Round. My dress was beautiful and just suited the song oh-so-perfectly! The Top 5 were invited onto the stage again and the other Top 5 from second round were announced. We had to then choose the order that we were gonna sing in and guess what, I was number 4 again! haha. I was paired up against this guy and I thought hmm shouldn't be that bad. When it was our turn, I sang first, so I had to stand at the side of the stage while he was singing and I had no idea that he had standard. He's song was a slow song by Leslie Cheung and it was very emotional, totally different from mine. I was actually scared whether if I'd be able to win him. But I did. Thank god!

4th Song: I Believe by Jane Zhang (Acapella)
So last round. I blew it HA. I was the 2nd one to sing. It was going well until I came out from the high note. Totally lost my pitch LOL. Just went flat or rather sharp haha. I find it funny too. I knew I was 4th after Danielle sang.

I'm just happy and grateful that my heart was under control and did not accelerate at all. Not even once! Maybe because I took the medicine, but still! At least I could show my best. I came fourth. Funny how the whole night, the number four kept appearing huh. It's my new lucky number, despite being bad in Chinese culture. haha who cares.

I really wished that I got at least 3rd place. If only I sang Xin Zhe De Ai, but oh well, it's over now...What I wanna get out is that the standard between me and 5th place are totally different. Like, I've been trained since young so I've got certain standard, and it's just that we are at a different level. Makes me sound really snobbish but it's just a fact. I'm not being proud or dissing anyone. It's my diary anyways. No one gonna read me...sigh Kimberley.

ok bye.

Fustrated.

You guys don't have the qualifications to debut. Do you even want it at all? Can you even carry a note? You probably got chosen coz you were skinny and you had that hint of dance background. Well I know training was tough but do you even have the passion? What is your goal and aim?

Well you guys are starting a new journey. I'm still stuck in stupid Brisbane whether nothing happens. Clock is ticking and I don't have much time anymore. My singing technique doesn't seem to be improving. I wanna take a gap year and just concentrate and do my best and see where it'll take me. A part of me wants it so badly but another part of me tells me that it's never gonna happen and I should just concentrate on the reality.  Easier said than that.

Competition is in three weeks. THREE! And out of the fours songs that I have to prepare I only know the lyrics to one. Good job! I do feel like giving up and pull out of the competition but I'm sure this is just where I am having my "down time". Probably wasn't the best idea to yell just now. My throat hurts now.

They ask me to pray. And I did, every day during that period. But nothing happened. I guess it's all boiled down to hard work again huh? Again easier said than done.

ok bye.

Shinhwa (신화) - Venus ( Title Song )

I feel so useless like I'm not worth anything. I feel like I could have done so much better if I tried harder. I feel like I'm such a failure, sad to have a child like me huh. I feel like life is just leading me no where and I don't see myself even in the next 10 years. Let's just hope the world really ends this year so I can start a new life and try again.

Shedding all the tears to ahieve this dream, is it really worth it?

So I'm back in KK and I should be ecstatic but I'm not. I thought I would be. My mood changes all the time similar to a mood swing. Where should i start? Uni?
Well uni. The words are kinda scary to me. BEWARE: THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG POST!
Well I did not get accepted to engineering at uq which was a disappointment coz I thought if I got it then everything will be solved and I won't have second thoughts on it. But no I got QS instead. And then now I think I want to study optometry so badly. I'm very sure if I study media or something I would be good at it. But being Canto I want face. so yea I'm so self-conscious and scared of what people would think of me it is ridiculous I know but I can't change my mind that easily can I? Why can't there be just a course to be a singer.
I wanna earn money yes I admit I like fame in a good way not coz I'm proud but I am the type of person that needs compliments then I will improve. If you don't compliment me then I'll think I suck and won't bother at improving myself. I know this sounds very bad but trust me I'm not an obnoxious person and definitely not hidung tinggi. Just you knw everyone works differently.

Graduation Day

This is it guys. Graduation Day. 18th October 2011. I'm graduating high school.
It's been a long journey like a roller coaster ride but it was made easy with the help of family and friends :)

On a brighter note (not sure if it is brighter), I woke up at 6am today, yes 6am! I came downstairs and found my dad helping my mom dye her hair haha. last minute style! they are so cute :3
I have a mask on :/ probably should have kept that to myself huh aha.
I feel like I'm getting all ready for formal again.
ANYWAYS dad's gone out to send mum to bus stop and after that will probably have bfast with grandma. yup she's here too :)

ok bye.

Last Day of High School

I never thought this day would ever come seriously. It feels so unreal. I remember last day of primary school still! The first day of high school, where I sat, what poses I made for photos. Wow. I also remember the last day of school before moving to Brisbane, I remember the day I started high school in a totally new environment. Now that, was memorable. I remember telling my friends we've still got time to chill and enjoy high school life. I remember first day of senior year, I thought it would be a long year. But today has finally come, and it is my last day of high school. I really cannot believe it.

 ok bye.

Enough

So I just finished my performance for vocal soiree which is my last time ever, and I am so so so disappointed in myself.
I was just so nervous, it's not like me. I'm never nervous, even though I am I would calm down the moment I start singing, but this time my heart was just like going as fast as it could. I went outta tune not once but 3 effin times!! THREE!!!! I know this song so well and I sing it well too. Why oh why. So embarrassing. So not my standard.
Is this God's sign of asking me to quit fantasizing about being a singer? Well, if it is, it is working.
Coz now I'm not going to audition for graduation anymore.
I couldn't even pull of this song in front of what? 40 people? 50 max?
Talk about singing in front of the whole graduating class, plus their parents, plus the faculty plus the other students. More than 2000 I'm estimating?
My confidence just plunged to level zero....

Difference between talking & bragging

Warning: This is going to be a pretty long post with words and no pics :)

So I reached school at 8 40am this morning and as I was walking to form class I saw C sitting outside of J block. I didn’t want to say hi because I wanted to do my Chinese speech (the test is next Saturday FML). But then I heard “Kimberley!” and that’s when I knew it was unavoidable, so she walked up to me and I actually was being quite friendly (thinking that she had became a nicer person) and I found out that she had a vocal soiree audition. I was going to do my audition this Friday morning but anyways.

Do you know when someone is trying to brag about themselves in a bad way? Ya I mean I’m not trying to be mean or anything but knowing her character and all, to me it’s pretty obvious with her tone of voice. “Ms. N said I did really well, she asked me if I practiced and I said no (in a braggy tone, I’m not exaggerating)”. Well I would have felt happy for her but knowing her personality and stuff…

Then we talked about what song I was gonna sing for my audition, when I told her a Chinese song she was like “seriously? You may as well sing a Korean song like 2NE1’s lonely or something”. I swear  it’s her tone of voice. You have to hear her say it to you.  I dunno, I may be overreacting and being sensitive? 

After that, she continued with her bombardment with "You know when you sang should've said no last year, my mom was like 'oh you know that girl who sang with the violinist and guitarist, they were so out of tune'" I'm like -.- and you tell me this now because?? I'm like No we weren't and you know when someone tells you a comment about another person and that other person doesn't agree with the comment, usually the middle person would just say "Oh I don't know it was xxx who gave the comment" something like that right!　BUT she kept on insisting that we were out of tune so I the first thing that came out of my mouth was (while she was babbling on) "Erm, no we practiced in front of Ms. Lamount and Ms Nicholson and Mr Steele too and they said that we were pretty good". Of course I didn't say the last bit. I wish I did though (*^#^$#@ I dunno why at that moment, I actually wanted to cry :( I don't know the reason but just that I wondered why would she want to do that and why are there such people like her in the world. It’s just so sad..Gosh I sound so dramatic lol.

I am not a narcissist and my character and personality is seriously not like that. I AM NOT THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO BRAG even if I wanted to >.> but,

I mean if I wasn't good and stuff why was I chosen to sang on assembly and not you? Why was I considered for the lead role for the school musical and not you? Why was I asked to perform during State High Beats and not you? Why did I pass the audition for last year's vocal soiree and you didn't? Furthermore, don't you ever wonder why why WHY some people just dislike you so much? Control your mouth please. 

감사합니다! There's my korean, in your face :P

ok bye.

P.S I sound so childish, who cares =D

Demi Lovato

Just love her and everything she does.


I like you, put your number, put your number in my phone, phone, phone, phone, phone, phone, phone, yeah~

So I talked to him on fb while he was at work. We talked for quite a long while.
Was gonna continue after I finish my shower. Except.
I went on a dance party with my mom at home. I created a list of KPOP songs with catchy dance moves and just dance for an hour and a half! Yes that's from 7:30 to 9:30p.m. wow! haha totally digging dancing again. I realize my flexibility is going down the drain seriously. can't even lift my left lef in a attitude of 90 degress anymore :(

and I tried to do this action again:


barely got my leg up to my head and didn't have any more strength asjdfhweur! CRIES
I wanna go back to Mrs. Lu and hear her yell even when waiting at the reception area. I miss ballet class.
I wanna go back to SDT and discover myself, push my limits and being the boss! nah jokes. I'm not that kind of person.
I wanna go back to 6th floor of CCA building (although I dread climbing up those stairs!) and grand jete from one corner of the studio to the other.
Ah memories...

Anyways.
I signed in to msn. and I still remembered when he said that he thought I was dead coz I signed in late that day. awww..
So I signed in right and he didn't say hi, so I went offline and signed in again ( I know, shut up!) and he said hello. hehhehe
I seriously hope he doesn't know this blog exists :O and if you are reading this, please just act like this is some random shit. lol thank you

ok bye.

My hair is done for formal! 

It's too curly I reckon. But! Hopefully! It will smooth out at night and make it more wavy and natural :)

I'm off to do my makeup now. So excited!

Alice & Becky are here too, they are all done.

ok bye.

SBS Star Audition

So I just submitted my application for SBS Star Audition.

I WANT IT SOOOOO BAD. like this is it. It's the best opportunity anyone could ever get.

What if I don't get excepted again coz of my weight? I'm actually a very appealing person u know

I know I'm so attractive.

But! seriously JYP or anyone from the casting director if you are reading this you know I was just joking and I don't look like that at all! send me an email and I'll send you tons of pictures to proof this one wrong. lmao.

ok back to the audition. Ya like the one i went to last December, I have to say I did not prepare my best for it but the days I waited to have the results announce were just torturing. Even the flight back to Brisbane.

I was still dreaming.

So now, again I wanna be a singer. I just love performing that much.

People have told me before that I should keep it as a hobby coz if it becomes my job and stress comes in, I won't enjoy it anymore. Which makes sense..

But that's the challenging part right? Overcoming the obstacle.

I just love to sing and dance and perform.

I can do it all day and everyday. no, I WANT TO.

ok bye.

Going to film my dance now.
I'm so nervous...I hope I can still keep my stupid low A -.-

I should get a higher mark than that low A.

so I've been talking to him..to tell u the truth, I've been waiting the whole night for him to talk to me.
Was telling ling about him and my dream which included black flying monkeys
but then he said he was gonna talk but instead went to play games instead -.-
but then he said he'll go on ebuddy which made me felt all giddy
then he sorta just went off to play your games again lol thought u left by now
and oh he just IM me again asking me why I'm not asleep. I replied, no answer must be gaming
ah boys.. so ya. love-why so complicated.

talking to ling too. she's the one that I can talk about personal deep deep stuff with. coz we can relate to each other. we might get angry or pissed at each other sometimes and it takes time to recover but ya it will be all good. I know most of her secrets and she knows most of mine. Except one, which only I will know forever..

ok bye.

talk to me. coz I think I enjoyed talking to you. Remember those times when the moment I logged on you'll just say hi I was bored. ya right you were bored. I mean for like 10 times seriously? aw u made me smile. and once I didn't till like late and u thought I was dead. Hahaha. It's nice chatting with you. so what happened? age difference. ran outta topic? c'mon u're better than that! And I dreamt about you last night. It was kinda weird....hmm.but it was nice :)

omg what am I talking about?! Calm yourself Kimberley. It's just a friend.