Kpop Star Season 2 Audition

I flew all the way to Sydney for the weekend just to audition for SBS Kpop Star Season 2. And I didn't make it.

I have to say I was shocked, I really thought I had it this time. First time in HK, ya I wasn't impressive; second time round in GZ my heart accelerated because of my sickness and this time I thought I would have everything under control. I actually am very confused why I didn't get in. I watched all the past auditionees experience clips on youtube and they showed the dance that they did. It wasn't even impressive and they managed to get into second round! Don't say they had that charisma, individuality, coz they did not.

The only thing I could think of as for the reasons that I couldn't get in was because 1) I went to early. My god I was number 9! I obviously didn't learn from my lesson in GZ. 2) There was a little girl a few numbers before I and she passed so obviously they couldn't pass that many people within such short period of time. I mean when I was singing Rolling In The Deep, one of the judges was really into it, she was nodding her head to the beat. Then they asked me to dance, which I did. They let me finish the off choreography for god's sake! Usually, they would ask you to stop if they had no interest in you but they made me do the whole dance. When I was finished and catching my breath, the translator said "sorry you didn't make it". I think my world stopped for a second while the words sunk in. I had to put on this stupid smiley face and walk out of the room with a camera up in my face. I was really down the whole afternoon, and my walk to Coogee Beach did not help AT ALL.

Anyways, maybe this is God's sign telling me that the Korean industry is not for me, or rather the entertainment industry in general. But I really do not see myself in the future doing anything else other than this. And missing my mom does not help. I've never realize how much I missed my mom and always took her for granted until this trip. Wondering why she didn't call every hour like she'll use to when I'm in Brisbane. What if I really did get accepted and become a trainee in Korea. I'll only get to communicate with her once every three days. Very cruel I'd say. That's one of the obstacles that I'm facing in chasing my dreams. I'm the only child and I'm so close with my parents. I'm their everything, their world and they love me so much. I feel so guilty that I have this dream. I feel like I'm betraying them and won't be able to repay them. I'll miss them so much and they'll miss me to death.

Another chance gone....why do I keep making the wrong decisions? I'm flying back tomorrow and I have to go to the three hour economics lecture right after I land. Oh the joy. I seriously don't feel like studying now, perhaps a gap year is suitable for me. I know I won't do well in my studies because I'm not putting any effort in it. It's just not my focus now. It's not what I want to do now. For example, I read this article about 14 years old going on reality shows (The Voice, X Factor); are they considered too young? Some argued that not at all. It's just like olympic swimmers, since they were 10, they'd wake up at 5am in the morning, go to training and miss the first period of school. Their aim is to compete in the Olympics, and because of that they must train since young in order to be considered for the Olympics. Is it worth it? Absolutely, definitely, when they swim in the Olympic games.

Moral of the story? I don't know....

ok bye.